Friday, December 19, 2008
Plans are a hoof
Let's start today with an informative and amusing link (NOT FOR VEGANS): An Illustrated Guide to Sheep and Goat Production.
I have some rather big news to tell you today. I've been putting this off for a few months now for two reasons: first, I feel very conflicted about this and second, I didn't want to say anything until it was confirmed. Now all but one or two T's are dotted and I's are crossed - strike that, reverse it, there you go. So, deep breath. okay, a few more deep breaths. Practice some of the new biofeedback techniques I've been working on. Nah, it's not working so I'll just spit it out.
That shouldn't be so hard to say, and it isn't, not really. It should be exciting, and it is exciting. It's just it's also... well,... you'll see when I explain it. It's both very good and very bad. I feel guilty for wanting the good part of it and because of that, I feel doubly bad about the bad part of it.
Here's how it is: My dad is worried that we won't be able to continue with my Lyme treatments too much longer. Even with all the kind help and support from all you wonderful people. He wants for me to get better. I want to get better. (I would like it very much if I didn't have to pay for this, but that's not going to happen any time soon. At least my GP has been doing what can be done to keep the costs as low as possible so far.) My dad is selling his apartment, the last of his assists (except the car, but we need that to go to the doctor's) to pay for my health. This at the time of life when I should be taking care of him. That's why I moved back in with him, to help him. Now I can't do that. I can hardly do anything useful. I can't even take care of myself. Not only is he selling his house for me, all that's happened in the last little while has taken a huge toll on his health. I know he doesn't like to admit it, but I can see it. It just eats me up inside to know that I'm the main cause of it.
That's the bad part of it and as you can see, it's pretty bad.
Where do we go next? My G'pa, bless him, has sold his house and with the aid of his retirement savings, has bought a house on five acres of land (zoned: agricultural). Once the house is detoxified (carpet replaced with unfinished wooden floors, forced air heaters removed, mothball smell removed, &c.) then I can move in and my dad can renovate the apartment and sell it.
This is where some of the good aspects come in.
Most importantly for me, we will be living with my G'pa. He's ninety and he goes about the place like a 40 year old. He also lives on his own. I worry that he will fall or something will happen to him and he will need some help but no one will be there. This is why I want him to live with us, or in this case, for us to live with him. Then we can be there for each other. It's also good because as a result of his diabetes, he eats meals at set times each day. Every meal. I really need this kind of stability in my diet to get well and I haven't been able to manage it so far.
Next, if we can manage it financially (I wonder if multiple chemical sensitivity syndrome qualifies for some money from the health authority for this sort of thing?) then the new house will be free (once I finish training Brazil and train my G'pa) of all the things that put pressure on my immune system and then it can focus on killing bacteria. Yeah! No carpet, no evil soaps, no bad electricity and electromagnetic fields (if I had my way, no microwave), &c.
The next good thing is that with five acres of agricultural land, we can finally raise our own food. I've noticed that even fertilizers given to plants fed to animals and I eat the meat from that animal, I can feel the effect of the fertilizers on my system the next day. There is a marked difference between how I feel with organic meats, inorganic meats and meats that have eaten soy. I'm under strict orders (which I admit, I find difficult to follow) to eat only organic meats. But they are not only hard to find, but also expensive. Same with vegetables. Organic vegi's are all well and good, but quite often they have travelled a long way to get here and have lost most of their goodness.
In case you think I'm crazy, both my G'pa and my dad have experience with small scale farming. With five acres we can grow our own food and some extra for a market garden or perhaps the local farmer's markets. My G'pa wants goats for milk and meat as well, so I wonder if I can sell goat's milk. I'll have to look into it.
I can also get some sheep!
So, in the end I get what I've been wanting. A farm, fresh foods, family under one roof. With luck and hard work, a market garden that can pay for my student loans. But, it's the cost that gets to me. I feel terrible.
I've heard of so many people on the Island here who have sold their homes to pay for Lyme treatment. It shouldn't have to be this way. If it was my own home to pay for my own treatment, I wouldn't mind so much. It's only stuff and what's stuff when it comes to good health? But it's not my stuff. I'm young, or at least I was, I felt that I had lots of time to build up assets. Finish university, get job, pay off student loan, buy house, save money, buy farm and retire... that was the plan. Not this. Anything but this.
It will turn out alright in the end, I'm sure. I just don't see how.
There was a raven flying over the house when I went to visit it. That's a good sign, right?