Self identity - Spinster

Even before I knew the history, it was a word that sang to me. I love the word spinster. 

It might be that childhood worry that every story was about the boy meeting (and often rescuing the girl) and they living happily ever after.  I like the ever after part.  But why was it impossible to be happy without being married?  

Why does one need a second person to become complete?  

And what happens after "happily ever after"?  

There was so much missing from those stories.  I liked better the stories about the boy getting lost while walking down the street and finding his way home again by remembering all he had seen, or the one where the boy plants some beans and has an adventure only to come home with everything all better.  And then there was the train who thought he could, and he did.  Pretty nifty stuff.  Each story had lessons I could use (take note of where you are going, 5 magic beans will buy a cow, and keep on keeping on until you get somewhere or bow a gasket).  

So when I found a word for "woman who lived happily ever after without a handsome prince to save her." I was happy.  Only to find out too soon, that Spinster was an evil word in our society.  One to be avoided.  The Old Maid to be pitied and given charity.  

And yet, Bachelor is a word meaning joyful single man who is having lots of fun before settling down.  

That didn't seem fair.

The other day I was in a second-hand shop.  I saw the most gorgeous mini sewing machine (more on that later).  By some miracle, it was within my budget.  (it needs a bit of love to get it working, but I'm up for it).  

I asked the front desk to hold the sewing machine while I had a quick look around.  When I returned, the woman behind the desk was trying to sell the sewing machine to an older man.  I think she was flirting.  But what stuck out most was the words she said as I walked towards the counter.

This would be the perfect sewing machine for a bachelor like yourself.  

My reply, It would be even better for a spinster.  

Her reaction wasn't anything to do with me interrupting her flirting or that she hadn't seen the 'hold' sign on the sewing machine and was trying to sell my treasure.  

Her reaction was that I used the word Spinster.  

I couldn't have gotten a stronger reaction if I did something evil in a church (not sure what evil things people do in churches, but I imagine a room full of outrage and shock and an immediate storm of voices trying to fix the unwanted behaviour - something like Reddit, but better dressed).  

The word Spinster is not to be used in public.  She made that quite clear.  

And yet, the word Bachelor is a compliment.

I love that we now live in a world where people can self-identify.  They can choose their own pronouns to match their true self.  Once again people are able to choose their own gender roles in society and not be restricted by the nature of their birth or upbringing.  Even ACE (asexual) is starting to be recognized as a real thing and not an illness.  We live in exciting times.

And yet, Spinster is still treated as a dirty word.

I was born female.  And I was born unmarried.  If Spinster is a dirty word, then we are saying that my birth is unacceptable.  I don't feel that's right.  

Spinster has a second meaning.  An older meaning.  A meaning from long before it had any relation to marital status and happily ever afters.  It means a person who makes their living spinning yarn.  

I make my living spinning yarn.  

Spinster is a beautiful word filled with history and romance.  It is self-contained and implies that happily ever after can live in one person.  I don't need a prince to rescue me just yet.  I'm having fun.