Thursday, March 12, 2009

Changes

I admit, I've found it very difficult to blog lately. It's nothing to do with the blog itself, but rather to do with the setup of my day. Before, back in the condo, I would gratefully received my coffee, retire to my room and blog in privacy.

Writing for me requires a lot of thought and solitude. I find I just cannot do it with other people in the room. I have all these stories to tell you, but when I'm expected to make conversation at the same time (not to mention before I finish my coffee) I just cannot focus. It's a bit like how I feel about using a large kitchen knife; I can't have people too close to me for fear that they will bump into my arm and I'll loose another large chunk of my thumb. But when I am alone, I'm completely confident in my knit using abilities.

At the farm here, the internet is in two places: downstairs in the basement which I cannot go because that's where we are storing all the things that make me ill until we can sort through them and begin the elimination process; and upstairs between the kitchen, dining area and liveing room. I find it very difficult to focus on writing when I am watching people playing around with my spinning wheel settings which I only just got right, pulling on one of the drive bands and stretching it so that the wheel with the double drive band now needs re-drive-banding, and so on. I know that person is curious, but UG, I need my own space. Before, there was a respect for domain: if it is something that so-and-so owns, then you don't touch it except in an emergency, now if it's in the house, no matter how delicate (not just talking about wheels now) it requires fiddling with and occasionally braking.

For example, just now after getting covered with oil from disconnecting the old oil tank, it was necessary to tell me something that I have no interest or involvement in when I was just about to write something really good about how having Lyme infecting the brain causes one to have a very short attention span and makes it easy to forget the extreemly witty things they were going to write before they were interrupted.

As you can tell, not being able to write every day is taking it's toll on me. I've tried writing the post in my room then coming online to post it. Besides the fact that I have to wrestle with blogger for formatting (a hell I'm not willing to go through each day) I have to do it while people expect me to interact with them. I'm not sociable in the morning. I need a good four hours to wake up, no matter how early or late I get out of bed.

The house is in a state of becoming and will continue to be this way for several months. There is a lot of renovations to get done and it is surprisingly difficult to get people to sell you a new heating system. Even when this is all done, I don't think there will be a place where I can write and craft without constant interruption. My bedroom is out because of the need for it to be space. Everywhere else is public space and is open to the rest of the house.

I think I need to look into building a studio. How hard can that be? Somewhere with lots of windows and airflow. Somewhere with running water and internet connection. Electricity and heating would be nice too. Maybe a ceiling fan. Somewhere where I can be my grumpy, antisocial self in the mornings without feeling terribly bad about it.

I wonder how one goes about something like this? I wonder if I'll be able to start it before I go completely batty.



Anyway, I now feel considerably less grumpy for being able to express myself. I also have a plan of action, though no one else in the house realizes it yet and it will probably won't go into action until next fall. But I like finding solutions. They make me feel productive.

4 comments:

Josiane said...

That's a difficult situation! I'm glad, though, that you felt better after writing that post. I hope you'll be able to implement your plan and make things better for you as soon as possible. Good luck with it all!
{hugs}

Gudrun Grey said...

I wonder if Camosun College or one of the High School programs have carpenters in training that would love to tackle building a studio project?

amy said...
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趙又廷Mark said...
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